December Resolution

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I always seem to be someone to start things at the least appropriate time. For those of you who have read the ‘About Me’ page will know that when I first decided to get healthy it was around 2 weeks before Christmas 2013. Well here I am again.

I’ve spent months not being 100%, with issues from stomach cramps to constant dizziness, it’s really thrown me off my normal gym routine. Alongside this, I seem to have lost all willpower. Before I found it relatively easy to stick with my diet plan, thinking nothing of sticking to set calorie amount, eating certain types of food and having one ‘treat’ meal a week (granted this slowly turned into a general treat day, but I could still stick with it). And I managed to do this for the best part of 18 months, with just the brief occasional wobble (birthdays and Christmas being the main issues). Yet in the last 3 to 4 months it’s changed. I’ve started to binge eat a lot more, there’s a complete disregard for what I know is good for me, I eat things that I know will cause me issues with sleeping, lack of concentration and generally feeling poor within myself. I have a feeling that eating this way is hindering my recovery rather than helping it as well.

Pair this with my lack of exercise due to the light headiness and the results are less than inspiring. But my biggest concern is actually how I feel within and about myself. Although since I originally started my journey, I am down 50lbs (3.6 stone for those of you in the UK), I have gained 16lbs in the last few months and with it has been a massive decline in self-esteem and self-worth. I used to feel really confident going into meetings and presenting in front of people but I find I want to do that less and less at the moment. I have started to notice that the work trousers I was considering buying in a smaller size due to how baggy they were and now a bit uncomfortably tight, the shorts I loved…now not so much, all the party dresses for this festive period I was so excited to wear I don’t really want to put on right now. But for me, the biggest change I’ve noticed in how I feel is in regards to my thighs. I’ve spent years and years having to constantly wear tights no matter how warm it is outside due to my thighs rubbing together and it being really uncomfortable, even painful sometimes if I don’t. It was so liberating this year to be able to go about within having to put tights on all the time and just melt over the course of the day. Well this has started to come back again and it’s not welcome in the slightest.

Aware that we are now 10 days to go until Christmas, yet again I have decided that I need to get a grip, I refuse to keep going into the depths of self-pity and feeling that I don’t deserve to feel good in myself. I know you’re probably thinking I could just wait, enjoy the festive period and with a ‘new year, new me’ motto, but frankly, if I can start to pick myself up over this tricky period, the New Year will be a breeze, surely? I’ve done it once before, I know I’m capable of it, so I can do it again.

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